…the St. Peter part is made up…

Which stands in stark lack of contrast with the rest of the bible.

I think you’re safe, you’re obviously not a banana.

Sounds a little like Resident Alien (if you omit the bananas and Sweden).

I’m worried that stupid is our best case scenario. For all we know, the rest are stupid plus a cattle prod to the junk so might as well stick with the one that isn’t currently zapping my balls.

Might be worth picking up some fire safety equipment if that might give you some peace of mind and reduce that barrier a little. Not talking about parking a shiny red fire truck in your driveway but a small kitchen fire extinguisher shouldn’t be too hard to come by. There are also stovetop extinguisher canisters that go off automatically when exposed to intense heat (fine for normal cooking but intended to be activated by an uncontrolled fire).

If you haven’t seen it already, I’d also recommend watching a video or two about how to control grease fires. Reading about it is one thing but seeing the demonstration of why not to use water really drives the point home. Scary for sure but the other side of it is that you learn how to handle one of the worst-case scenarios so it can be a confidence boost moving forward.

Probably just has to drool into the collection jar considering how much time these guys spend sucking themselves off.

Also, pee is stored in the balls. It’s a scientific fact.

/c/ToiletThoughts since they’re getting flushed away.

I did a search of !guitars@lemmy.world for the word “sorry” (figured it wouldn’t be in as many posts as “guitar” or “learning”).

Here’s the first result: Really dumb questions about learning guitar (sorry)

The only reason I think they didn’t is that their mascot isn’t a little altar boy.

OP? OP who? Sorry, we don’t have any record of an OP.

Found one.

Typical religious wacko trying to lure in kids to be groomed and abused.

Strong entry for an Ig Nobel Prize if nothing else.

Arson, murder, and jaywalking.

Yeah, this shower thought is awfully judgy coming from a (presumably hypothetical) killer.

On a related note, don’t forget to thoroughly wash your hands between cutting hot peppers and going to the bathroom.

I’m surprised they made an emoji for something as obscene as this but you know that “two in the pink, one in the stink” thing for the shocker? This is along the same lines: One in the pink, one giving your lady a thumbs up to tell her you’re a chill dude and having a good time.

Doesn’t work as well on guys unless he’s flexible or has a bunch of strategically-placed mirrors.

Turns out this was all due to a clerical error in the contract back when the system was built: instead of UN Secure Information Access, they got Unsecure Information Access.

Future generations of Russians will gain immunity to fall damage once they weed out the ones still complying with the law of gravity.