There are a bunch of aptronymic last names, especially in English culture. The Baker family, the Tanner family, the Shoemaker family etc.

Don’t ask about the Dickinsons.

Similarly, I want to know what a reach-around is.

Back home, it meant that when you’re giving someone a bj, you reach around and finger their butthole.

I move out west and people are saying that it’s when a guy is banging a guy from behind, he reaches around and gives the receiver a handy.

In these trying times, America needs to know.

I woke up every day worried that we’d nuked Spain overnight.

A buddy of mine is a wine steward. He quit smoking and said “Holy shit I can taste wine again. I’ve just been making it up for years!”

I think it might be this. A lot of traditional media outlets are mad about twitter becoming such a necessity for them. The old guard is mad that they have to cater to this bullshit online platform. The new guard is mad at the fact that the best outlet for breaking online news is suddenly owned and operated by a fascist.

All of them want to say that x is bullshit, but they don’t want to actually lose the clicks/ market share that comes with it. So they keep passive-aggressively calling it twitter.

Drunkenly thinking about it, this is kinda like calling a trans person by their dead name. Except it’s insulting a shitty company led by a shithead, so I’m cool with it.

For the love of god don’t look it up. If you’ve made it this far without hearing it, just count your blessings. It’s worse than you can possibly imagine.

I’m just impressed that Elon finally made something worse than the Harambe rap.

It’s surprising how many people will plug in a random USB drive that they find. Apparently that’s how the CIA got the Stuxnet virus into Iran’s system and nerfed their centrifuges back in the day.

I have met many, many school teachers in my adult life and the vast majority of them are lovely people. There has only been one who I’d describe as a psychopath.

Alcoholics? Absolutely. It’s a toss-up between teachers, lawyers and nurses for the hardest-drinking group of motherfuckers I’ve ever known.

If I’m a coworker in this situation I don’t care. If I’m a manager in this situation I just don’t bother training them on anything but the basics for the job.

My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said ‘No. But I want a regular banana later. So yes.’

Bikes are popular in Seattle, but I’m not sure I’d call it a bike-friendly city. Tons of rain, tons of hills, tons of bridges, tons of crappy roads. We put bike lanes in a bunch of places, but a lot of them still have to go through confusing intersections or only cover part of your commute. Add on the new trend of no-hands driving, it’s still pretty dangerous.